Snowballs...and a New Year!

Haley's life often tends to bring to my mind the image of a snowball rolling downhill picking up more and more snow and speed as it goes. Years ago I panicked a little inside during those times but I have mellowed a bit with age/experience.

There is no guidebook, path, or even others' lives to follow with what Haley has decided she wants to do. Without specific plans guiding her on this musical journey, it seems luck, fate, or God is a determining factor. Events, experiences, and performances yield other, sometimes seemingly unrelated, experiences and performances, leading to even more...the momentum sometimes seems to build exponentially.

She has had some amazing experiences that seem accidental or driven by fate/God...being invited by Mairead to perform on Irish TV with Altan when we happened to attend an Altan concert we learned about from a friend at the last minute while Haley was at camp a couple summers ago...winning All Ireland Championships in both her events the year we had originally planned not to go to Ireland...winning the Junior Fiddler of Dooney the year we chose not to do the All Ireland due to money issues but decided to go to Sligo in October because I happened to click on a random link about SligoLive and learned about the competition a couple months before and flights were half as much as in August....or her participation in Studio2Stage when the producers agreed to give her a chance even though she was three years younger than their age cut-off.

Other events and experiences are quieter/more personal but no less important in her life...playing with certain musicians in sessions, meeting people who later become very important in her life, spending time with friends, or helping out at fundraisers for charities.

People we have met through music have become wonderful friends and huge influences in Haley's. life. I can't even name them all without being afraid of leaving someone out. Some have taught her directly, mentored her, influenced her musically in other ways, had faith in her, given her a chance to perform, played music with her, encouraged her to compose, influenced her as a person, etc.... They come into her life at just the right time and/or interact with her in just the right way.  I will be forever grateful to them all!

Living life somewhat "on the fly" is uncomfortable for me, the consummate planner, but I am learning to accept it as part of our lives. It takes a certain day by day approach and is teaching me to make the most of each day and enjoy life as it comes. I should have known when my oldest made his surprise entrance into the world six weeks early that being a parent meant learning to go with the flow.

Sometimes we can plan especially in the short-term. Decisions are made to participate in certain events, take lessons with a particular teacher, buy equipment, learn certain pieces/tunes, attend a camp, etc…  Behind each decision is the parental (maybe mother's) worry about making the "right" choices. Sometimes I lie awake at night second guessing decisions and choices for all my kids.

I have found the older Haley gets, the less "all important" I view each individual decision and the more she guides those choices. She seems to have a vision in her head of what she wants to do even if she doesn't have all the answers on how to get there yet. She is an amazing young lady, beautiful in every way that matters. She constantly surprises me. I am so proud of her!

In the past few months, we have had some big decisions to make in Haley's life. Everything from high school planning to "music career" oriented decisions. I pray for wisdom in helping guide Haley on her journey. A few of these opportunities are up in the air and I have no idea how any of them will turn out or what other opportunities the future holds. I will certainly share details once plans are finalized.

2017 looks to be an amazing year for this young lady....

Catching Up Post...

Wow! I cannot believe I have neglected my blog for so long! I had a couple posts started then got busy and never got back to them. Life has been a roller coaster ride for the past few months. I feel like I have taken on a second full time job trying to manage the kids' schedules. 

Here is a bit of what we've been up to the last few months…

Around the time Haley and I went to Ireland last fall, Dylan was invited to become the guitarist for a new-ish Irish band/trio called Poor Man's Gambit. They are based about 90 minutes from our house in the Bethlehem/Allentown region and many of their gigs are up that way so Dylan has been doing a lot of traveling back and forth for gigs and rehearsals and the other band members have spent a few weekends in our basement recording tracks for their website and a demo CD.

It has been a wonderful opportunity for Dylan to hone his backing and recording skills. He's started singing a bit and playing more of his other instruments (banjo and bouzouki). It is nice for him interact musically with other young musicians besides Haley, though sometimes keeping schedules straight is like walking a tightrope…this is also complicated by the fact that he's an 18 year old male who doesn't always make his schedule known until the last minute.

They have a lot of gigs booked so looking forward to watching the band grow!

Poor Man's Gambit.

Poor Man's Gambit

Among other things in November, Haley helped out with a fundraising concert at the New York Irish Center with Mick Moloney, Donie Carroll, James Keane, and Gerry O'Sullivan for the Mercy Centre in Bangkok, Thailand. We made a long weekend trip to North Carolina to visit family for Thanksgiving. It was wonderfully warm and we rented a house at the beach so we enjoyed long walks to watch the sunrise and sunsets.

Mercy Centre fundraiser.

In December, Haley was invited by Mick Moloney to perform in his An Irish Christmas shows at Symphony Space in NYC. She has done these shows for the past few years and enjoys the variety of music and the guests. Mick always has performers from other cultural traditions perform. 

Haley and Mick before the show.

One of Haley's favorite parts of performing with bands like this is the pre-show preparation and hanging out with other musicians. She worked with the other fiddle players to come up with a "fiddle" set for the show, learned a couple new tunes from Billy McComisky, the accordion player, and had a great time.

Haley with the fiddlers, Athena, Donna, and Liz.

She got to meet Bill Whelan, the man who composed the music for Riverdance, and hear him play a beautiful composition, on piano with Athena playing fiddle which I think they collaborated on.

Haley with Bill Whelan.

The Irish Christmas Show from backstage. This photo looks like a watercolor painting.

We had a wonderful, quiet Christmas at home. Our family was alone for the holidays so invited some other people spending the holiday alone...our friend, Kira, from Long Island and our neighbors down the street who Dylan helps out now and then. It was a perfect Christmas with food, family, and friends!

Haley and Kira

Between rehearsals, sessions, performances as a duo, Poor Man's Gambit performances, and the holidays, the kids' band, Méara Meara had a number of performances including the one below at Swarthmore Library. The place was packed with over 100 people in a not very large area.

Méara Meara at Swarthmore Library.

They also donated their time and talents to help raise money for the Heart of Camden project. Some other musicians were unable to perform so we invited sisters, Emily and Livia so play and at the end all the kids played a set together.

Celtic Spring at Sacred Heart Church.

The last two nights have been the best. Our friends, Altan, were in the area (kind of) so we were able to   be at two of the concerts on their current tour. Friday night they performed at Longwood Gardens. Haley's friend and bandmate, Keegan, lives close so we went to his house for dinner, went to the concert, then stayed over. What a gorgeous venue!! Haley was able to play a few sets with them and at the end of the concert, they invited Keegan and another wonderful flute player from our area, Paddy, onstage as well.

Haley with Altan

Paddy, Keegan, and Haley with Altan.

Martin having a powwow with Haley onstage…telling her how the song she happened to be onstage for went.

Keegan and Haley with Mairead

That was going to be our only chance to see them. Mairead invited Haley to come to their Saturday night show but it was two hours away and we had a lot to do…the next few weeks are going to be crazy busy so Haley and I went home from Keegan's, stopped at the gym to workout, but on our way to the car after, Haley received a message from her friend from Studio2Stage, Mackenzie, asking if she could come up because Mackenzie was dancing for Altan that night. Haley really wanted a chance to see Mairead's daughter, Nia, who would be at the show, and Mackenzie so we decided to make the two hour drive.

What a great night! We stayed backstage with the band after soundcheck. Sat around talking and eating…I am constantly questioning different musicians about life "on the road" to try to get an idea of what this life my daughter is determined to have is like…good, bad, and ugly. Haley was able to interview Mairead for her blog (www.tunefuljourneys.blogspot.com) and she got to see Nia and her dancer friends.

Ciaran told Haley this would be his signal for her to take her solo during the finale set.

Altan finale

Haley and Nia after the show.

Haley with her Studio2Stage friends.

March Madness begins next weekend…it's the busiest month for Irish musicians. Haley and Dylan have so many really neat opportunities for performances coming in the next few months! I feel like I need a secretary to keep track of everything and talk to all the people we need to talk to to make arrangements and do publicity but it's all worth it. I am so grateful for the people we've met who have taken an interest in spending time with Haley and Dylan and helping them. We have an awesome musical family!!

I love seeing my kids having so much fun doing the things they love to do most! They are getting to the point where they only need me to be the secretary, for Haley the chauffeur, and occasionally as a sounding board when they want help with certain decisions. It is amazing to watch them mature and take control over their musical journeys, discuss and arrange music with other musicians, advocate for themselves, and make decisions on where they want their lives to go.

Stay tuned!!

Changes

This fall is full of changes for our family.

Newt is off to college. Instead of seeing him, I have to make do with talking or texting him daily. The whole family is looking forward to seeing him in a couple weeks on his first visit home.

Dylan is no longer playing football. The time came where he had to chose his music or sports because one took up time he needed for another. He chose music.

It is pretty easy for anyone to see the changes in Haley…she is growing up. Her face is maturing…along with the rest of her. Besides the physical changes, she has had a lot of other changes this year.

For the first time since she was seven, she is not involved in an orchestra. She decided she wanted to spend her time doing Irish music. I was initially a little worried about her not having time to make music with kids around her age…since she spends most of her music making time with adults but opportunities have come up in the last six months that allow her to work, play sessions, and perform with her young Irish music playing friends regularly.

Another change has been her violin teacher. We have known for a while she will eventually need a "violin" teacher because her teacher is a violist. Her teacher came up with a solution, after Haley decided against her first idea of a solution. So at least for the next few months, she is working with a new teacher. She enjoys her lessons with him and having someone new to play for has motivated her to practice even more (even using her Dr. Beat without me bringing it out…Miss Gerry would be so happy). I am not allowed to attend her lessons so she has also taken control of her violin education and practice….though she still often asks me to listen while she is practicing or comes and plays for me to show me what she is working on. I don't know what will happen when our time with him is over but for now she's in a good place.

Change #3…I thought we'd be unable for her to continue with her writing tutor due to finances (college) so had come up with a writing program for her myself. This week her writing tutor asked us to visit for tea because she had a proposal for Haley. Turns out she is publishing a book (Christian home schoolers might enjoy checking out the link) and would like Haley to provide the music for her audiobook version. In return, she will continue to work with Haley on her writing.

One last change…hasn't happened yet but is in the works…a new full size fiddle. We are doing a lot of shopping. It isn't easy.

Amazing how God provides so things fall into place. I feel like Haley's entire musical life has been one "accident" or "coincidence" after another. I have to think maybe God has a plan we don't know about because I surely couldn't have planned any of this.

Following the Passions of the Gifted Child...

The past few months there has been a lot of discussion on The Well Trained Mind forums about the interests and activities of children and how far parents are willing to go to allow their child to follow those interests or participate in certain activities. On the Accelerated Learner Board, many of these discussions have centered around gifted children who have what can be called a "passion" in a particular area due to the extremely high level of interest, time, and energy they devote to their activity. There seem to be two "camps" of parenting occupying either end of a broad continuum regarding children's activities and a whole range of those in between.

On one side of the continuum are parents who have decided the main focus for their family is time together as a family. This may be a purposeful decision made as part of their parenting philosophy or it maybe made out of necessity due to lack of resources...mainly time, money, or a family situation that limits participation in activities (maybe due to having a new baby, younger children, or taking care of elderly relatives). Sometimes both parents work and their time in the evenings is time to unwind with the family rather than shuffling this child in one direction and that in another.  Maybe there is only one family car or running all the time is too stressful for the family. Some people prefer their time at home or have children who are not interested in outside activities. Others feel the need to protect their family from the stress of running around and feel their child's time is better spent in free play either alone, with siblings, or with neighborhood children. Whatever the reason(s) for their decision-making, these families tend to chose no activities for their children, an activity all the children are able to participate in together, or limit each child to one activity.

On the other end are the families whose lives revolve around their children's activities. These families might have children involved in multiple activities or with a very high level of involvement in one. They might cart children off in a different direction nearly every night of the week or juggle the activities of multiple kids going different ways on the same day. Many want their children to experience as many different activities as possible to find what interests them most or make them well-rounded. Sometimes these families have a child or children who are extremely talented in one area. These parents do things others might find extreme or ridiculous such as driving hours away for lessons, moving across the country for a certain coach or program, or spending their family vacations providing their child opportunities in camps or competitions.

Kids around the world are involved in all types of activities...sports, music, dance, drama, technology, academic areas, debate, etc.... The majority will be average at their chosen activity or show different interests at different times in their lives. Even among the gifted population some kids are generalists with a variety of interests and levels of involvement while others have a smaller focus area.  A small minority will show extreme talent in a given area. These are the outliers. Besides demonstrating more facility and learning more quickly than their peers, these kids tend to drive their own interest. They practice or study/research a topic for hours at a time. They enjoy spending their "free" time noodling by themselves or engaging with others who have a similar interest. Their intense focus and interest can best be described as a "passion."

A parent who does not have this type of child may not be able to fathom interest and drive so strong in a child because it falls outside their realm of experience. They might view the parent as pushing their child or will respond they are more interested in their child being "well rounded" than allowing them to focus on only one thing...but what if your child has no interest in being "rounded" and can only see themselves as an arrow pointed in one direction? How does one parent that child? How far does one go to support this type of child and their area of passion? How does a parent set limits on what their family is able to do for their child? Where does a parent find the resources to assist their child in following their interest, help them get to the next level, or find outlets where they can share their interest with others? How much time should the parent allow their child to spend on their area of interest? Should the parent work to make their child more well-rounded?

These are the types of questions that tend to come up now and then on the WTM accelerated learner forum. The answers are as varied as the children they involve.

Here are some of my thoughts on these issues...

-I let my child's involvement guide what I am willing to do. Haley puts in the work to practice, listen to pieces, compose her own music, research, asks to attend sessions, etc… so I feel a certain responsibility to help her when I can by finding resources, paying for lessons, driving her, and making sure she has equipment on par with her abilities.  What I am willing to do has grown along with her level of involvement. Sometimes what once might have seemed ridiculous to me gradually became the best choice for our situation. For example, when she first started fiddling, a local teacher met her needs but eventually we had to travel hours away to find a higher level teacher.

-In our family there are limits to what we are able to do because we have three kids who all need my time and resources. Each has different needs, interests, and levels of involvement in their interests. With Haley, the amount of time and money spent on travel and lessons has gradually increased. If someone had told me eight years ago what I'd be paying now, I would never have believed them or thought it possible but at each level, our family has found a way (sometimes a creative way) to make things work. Luckily, the increases with Haley have been offset by decreasing needs, especially in the time department, with the boys who are getting older, doing many of their activities through school, learning to drive (and wanting to drive themselves), and now one going to college…this has hurt the family resources area but we'll figure it out. Dylan has a similar interest in music so many times he and Haley do things like performances and summer camps together which makes things easier.

-I involve my child in the decision making process with regards to her area of interest. When a major decision needs to be made we discuss the pros and the cons of each possibility. I listen to her ideas and needs as she sees them rather than assuming I always know what is best or driving her in a certain direction because I think it is the right one. Haley plays more than one style of music and recently relatively big decisions needed to be made on which is more important to her right now…time travel still not being a possibility and all. She had to decide what to do about orchestra. Continuing meant giving up some opportunities to play Irish music. I researched all possible options of different orchestras and when their concerts and rehearsals were held and together, we listed the pros and cons of each. In the end, the decision was hers and it was a well thought out, informed decision based on all our research and discussion.

-I make an effort to find friends for her with similar interests. These friends aren't always her age and it isn't ever easy because there are no kids in our immediate area playing Irish music (or classical music at the same level). Anything Haley does with others involves traveling at least 45 minutes and up to 5 hours or more. Recently she has spent more time with kids closer her age (and closer to us…45 to 60  minutes away rather than 3-5 hours). They have been working together to raise funds to travel to Ireland, playing together in competitions, at performances, and in sessions regularly the last couple months and it has been a lot of fun for her. Haley was also offered an opportunity to work in a music group for the Ireland competition with girls her age who live mid-way across the country from us. They sent her the music, which she learned, and will visit to rehearse together, which will be a blast. The benefits of getting to know and play others with similar interests is always worth the effort involved.

-I advocate for my child and help find resources. At 12 years old (today!!!), she does not know all the possibilities or where to find every resource she might need….though she is getting better and better at this as she gets older. The internet has been my most often used resource but involvement in the community of people with a similar interest, attending events (for us this has been concerts, fundraisers, festivals, etc…) and getting to know/talking with people runs a close second. Even though I advocate when I need to, like making sure a performance is not too long, she has enough rest, or the sound is set up correctly, I also give Haley opportunities to advocate for herself and make connections with people in safe environments so she will be able to be her own advocate as she gets older. For example, this year she had an idea of a way to volunteer at camp to help pay her tuition. Rather than sending emails to the director myself, I encouraged her to send an email to him explaining her idea and asking if he would allow her the opportunity to try it.  I felt it would be a good learning experience for her to take the lead on something, put her idea out there, and learn to handle the success or disappointment depending on the director's decision. She did it and it worked out for her in a positive way.

-My child is allowed to spend as much of her free time as she wants with her music but she also needs to receive an education, for my comfort and to have a backup plan. Injuries happen and interests can change. Homeschooling gives her more free time than she'd have if in school but she still has educational requirements each day in math, reading, history, science, and foreign languages. Even if she decides to pursue music as a career, she will have the benefits of a strong educational background. I also encourage her other interests…right now those are writing and crafting.

-When life gets really hectic and I feel like I am barely keeping up with our family's schedule, I check in with Haley to gauge her stress level. Right now she has multiple gigs each week (it's festival season) so she is practicing more plus her regular schedule of lessons and school. Also, some of her closer friends are finishing up school and attending area sessions so she is asking to go to those as well. The other day in the car I asked her thoughts on all we had going on and if she needed a break. She enthusiastically declared she loves everything she is doing. If she had expressed the need for less, we would have figured out where to cut back.


I probably had completely different ideas on these sorts of questions five years ago and in another five years I will be able to look back in hindsight and see if we made good decisions. Our lives are always evolving through our experiences and as my daughter gets older she takes more and more control over her life and music.

I would love to hear how other parents deal with these issues at different stages in their children's lives.

Click on the picture below if you'd like to read the rest of the posts on this blog tour!!!!

A Biological Reason for Early Music Lessons?

I wrote a post a while ago in response to a discussion on when to start a child in music lessons on the Well Trained Mind Boards. Many people on the boards were telling the original poster that it was good to wait until a child is older because they will be more mature and learn faster (though this has not been my experience at all). In that post I listed a number of reasons why I thought early music training was important as it pertained to my own child. I won't go back into all that because it is all right here.

Yesterday, this was posted in a Suzuki Chat yahoo group. It is from an article in New Science magazine and presents a biological reason for early music training.

"Good news for pushy parents. If you want your child to excel
musically, you now have better justification for starting their
lessons early. New evidence comes from brain scans of 36 highly
skilled musicians, split equally between those who started lessons
before and after the age of 7, but who had done a similar amount of
training and practice.

MRI scans revealed that the white matter in the corpus callosum - the
brain lesion that links the two hemispheres - had more extensive
wiring and connectivity in the early starters. The wiring of the
late starters was not that much different from that of non-musician
controls. This makes sense as the corpus callosum aids speed and
synchronisation in tasks involving both hands, such as playing
musical instruments (Journal of Neuroscience,DOI:
101523/neurosci.3578-12.2013).

Christopher Steele of the Max Planch Institute for Human Cognitive
and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, says this is the most
compelling evidence yet that younger-trained musicians have an
advantage because their training coincided with a key period of brain
development. At age 7 or 8, the corpus callosum is more receptive
than ever to the alterations in connectivity necessary to meet the
demands of learning an instrument."

The first sentence of this article, "Good news for pushy parents," is really annoying. It is a generalization and makes me question the intelligence of the article writer. Supposing that all parents who begin their child in musical training before 7 years old are "pushy" is presumptuous and completely incorrect. I know a good number of people who started younger children, sometimes reluctantly, on musical instruments based on their child's desire to play.

Anyway, the interesting thing about this report on the study was that those who started musical training after 7 years old had MRIs not much different from that of non-musician controls. So, after 7-8 years old, musical training does not cause changes to the corpus callosum...the area of the brain involved in speed and synchronization in tasks involving both hands?  Sounds like a bit of scientific proof for another benefit to early musical training.

Savoring the moments...Happy New Year

Newt being silly with Haley's boa and book light.

Our neighbors had a new baby Thanksgiving weekend and last week we were finally all healthy enough to go visit. I looked at that teeny, little, perfect baby and remembered when my babies were that little and I had their entire childhoods to look forward to. I wanted so badly to let our neighbors know to savor every moment with their little one. Time goes so quickly. When you are a new parent everyone with experience tells you that but it seems so cliche at the time.

The new year always makes me nostalgic especially this year when my oldest is driving, my middle has entered high school, and my baby is now a pre-teen. It seems like the older they get, the more quickly time passes. Often we are busy running here and there but I still try to savor moments with my kids and let them know daily how much I love them whether it is through hugs or words or little deeds like packing them a lunch or washing their favorite shirt so they can wear it or picking up something they will really enjoy but hadn't thought to ask for. We spent a lot of time together over the holidays and I enjoyed the being able to unwind together before we head back to the weekly schedule.

It is so easy to enjoy those big moments and we do have many of those in our lives...

-getting a driver's license
-winning wrestling matches
-watching sports events
-musical performances, especially those with the kids playing together
-travel to cool places

But there are those little, more every day moments as well and I try to reflect on those moments to ingrain them in my memory. We have photos of the kids growing up on the walls of our home...looking at those and remembering those children sometimes makes me sad...I miss those kids, the babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers they once were, yet at the same time I want to enjoy the here and now.

-I love having Haley home to school. (Sometimes, I wish her brothers were still home as well.) I feel so blessed. I have gotten to spend so much time with my kids by having them home. I know who they are and like spending time with them. I have been able to watch her learn everything.

-I am so blessed she asked to play violin when she was 2. Sometimes when I am busy, I look at a day and all I could accomplish if I didn't have to sit for hours with her but I love sitting with her while she practices because in that time, it is the only thing I have to do and we are partners in this thing that she loves so much. I know someday in the not too distant future, she will not want me sitting there...she already asks to practice sometimes on her own but will still come to show me something she's doing. I dread the day she practices and doesn't come to show me what she's done. Sure, I will get so much done when that day comes but I miss all that time with her.

-I love sitting in pubs watching her smile and laugh while she makes music with other musicians.

-I love our long car rides to lessons where she reads to me or we listen to music or sing at the top of our lungs together or make up silly stories or faces at each other. I love riding in the car with the boys...they often talk more openly with me in those times.

-I love sitting on the couch and sharing a book with Haley.

-I love snuggling with her while we watch a movie...soon I may have to be sitting on her lap for that to be comfortable. My boys will sometimes come snuggle in the loveseat with me or come lay with me before they go to bed. I love that they aren't too old or cool to snuggle.

-I love the many nights we have dinner together as a family. We eat dinner together probably at least 4 nights a week...during wrestling season it is more difficult.

-I love playing video games with my boys. I had to learn to play because it is something they enjoy and I love spending time with them. I love that they will sometimes put off friends wanting to play with them and spend that time with me.

-I love watching them all grow up and seeing the incredible adults they are becoming. I love watching all the changes in them as they get older. Sure, it isn't always wonderful...they sometimes have attitudes or do things I'd prefer they didn't but all in all, they are great kids.

I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year because those tend to be made to be broken. Sure, I could eat healthier and lose a few pounds. I need to do more scrapbooking because I am more then two years behind and counting.  What I really want is to slow down and be more cognizant of those little moments. I want to take time to enjoy the kids every day. They are growing so quickly and I don't have that much more time before they will be all grown up and living their own lives. I don't want to miss a moment of it.

Milestones...

When our children are babies, we measure their progress in milestones...sitting, crawling, eating solid food, walking, talking, etc... In my work in Early Intervention everything is based on milestones. People write books that parents read then add to their worry about milestones and development in babies and toddlers. As the children get older there are still some big milestones like first day of school (or homeschool), first lost tooth, first day starting an instrument, concerts, etc... but the milestones for each child become more individualized to that child and family. Every child has different interests and often the milestones are more abstract or there is no set time when they should happen. In Suzuki violin, there is a set repertoire so each piece or book can be thought of as a milestone but as you move out of the Suzuki repertoire, it is more difficult to "see" where they are going or where they have been.

Those big milestones are exciting and fun to document in pictures and blog posts but sometimes what I like best are the little "milestones," those things others would never notice or pay attention to or that we might take for granted if we didn't think about them. In our house some of these include...

-the first time I realized Newt had outgrown his teen angst stage and was no longer such a pain
-when Newt gained the maturity to work daily to improve his wrestling
-when Dylan began to take ownership of his guitar playing and started really enjoying it and practicing without me telling him to
-when Dylan began to really "hear" what chords he needed to play without anyone telling him
-when Dylan began improvising and adding his own touch to his tune accompaniment
-when Haley was able to practice a bit on her own
-when she became more careful  in how she practiced so rather than just playing through pieces, she was picking out small bits to perfect before moving on
-when Haley sat and watched a Pre-Algebra lecture on computer, stopping it and taking notes then doing the problems without help from me

These are still rather big things but sometimes there are smaller "milestones," things I almost miss when they happen and don't realize until later they have been passed like Haley fixing some small detail in her technique, Dylan learning and adding new chords to his repertoire, or Newt incorporating a new move into his live wrestling. Sometimes with Haley's violin playing I don't realize until I haven't mentioned a certain detail in the past few practices that it is even fixed and could almost just forget it was an issue. The other small things are like that and I might look back a few months later and think..."Wow! Isn't it neat how he/she can do that now!"

I don't want to miss anything in my kids' lives. I want them to know that I do notice when things change for them. It's part of the reason I like to blog.

Snowball effect...

This month is a very busy month for us. The kids have many opportunities to perform, Haley has concerts to attend, plus Dyl and Haley are in the Christmas musical for church so have practices and rehearsals, etc... It seems that every week something is added to our calendar and I am astounded at how everything seems to snowball especially with the kids and their music.



It wasn't that long ago, April or May, when we saw a sign at the music store for the little local talent competition. Haley read it and insisted I sign her up. Dylan learned one of her songs so I thought it would be nice and a good motivator for him to play with her. That little competition started the kids' interest in playing music together and soon Newt wanted to get in on the performances as well.



In June, I just happened to take Haley and Dyl into the coffeehouse for some icecream while waiting for Newt's drum lesson to finish. I had no idea there was a stage in there until Dylan walked into the back and started talking to two men who were sitting at a table, one of whom happened to be the owner. Dylan had Haley's violin because it was too hot to leave it in the car and Haley had dropped her icecream so I handed the violin to Dylan while I cleaned it up. The owner asked about the violin and wanted to hear Haley play. From that little encounter came the offer to play at Open Mic Nights then more recently an invitation to play Christmas music for during the town's parade night followed by another invitation to play closer to Christmas since they had learned so many songs.



Haley had given her Book 1 concert at our church the end of March last year and our pastor's wife heard her play. At the end of the school year, she asked if Haley would like to do a concert for her school. Haley loves to perform anywhere, anytime so that was a no brainer. Because of that performance, Haley was also asked to perform at the Fall Festival for church. Since the boys had been playing with her at the coffeehouse, I asked if they could perform as well. They would have been so mad if I hadn't.



Playing at Louisa's Cafe led to meeting Frank which led to being asked to play at another fall festival the next town over. He recently asked them to play with his students in a couple weeks and would like to record them. I haven't called him to discuss that because I am not sure how I feel about it though the kids are all gung-ho. That fall festival also resulted in being asked to play on the local radio station. It took me a few months to call the woman who had given me her card but I did and everything is scheduled for after the holidays.


Everything has seemed to be an accident or as a result of something else. I haven't really gotten used to the idea and don't know exactly how I feel about it all or where it is all going. Since it seems to have a momentum of its own and the kids are enjoying it, I will just go along with it all and make choices as they come. Music is something I know very little about so I am trying to get used to parenting talented kids. Hopefully I won't make any huge mistakes as we go along.

Pondering questions...

Someone on a board I frequent was asking how we know if our children are working to their full potential? How we know they are as gifted as we think they are?

Here's my reply (I almost have to laugh at how calm I am about it all now that I have had a few years to adjust to Haley because just a few years ago, I agonized over the same issues.)....


I used to agonize over the same questions, especially when music professionals started suggesting that I take my almost 4yo dd to a music teacher who lived 5 hours away. I was thinking if she isn't that talented really, then I didn't need to use up so many family resources (time, money, etc...) to nurture her talent but if she was and I didn't nurture her, would I be able to live with that. I found another option but it was a tough few months until we found the option we could live with. For those few months, I agonized over whether or not making certain choices would limit her potential and had a real need to know what her potential was...something no one could possibly know since we don't have any crystal balls.

I have calmed down a lot since then and now have come to see that knowing how gifted my children are doesn't change what I am doing for them schoolwise (though I still don't know whether or not I would pour so much money into her music if she wasn't who she is). I teach each to their ability level...keeping them challenged but not frustrated. I would introduce them to the same things regardless of whether their IQ was 80 or 160 and just teach them as much as they could handle.


I had dd tested but not her older brothers but it was to help me get a handle on where her instructional level was since she was not a sequential learner. Knowing IQ level (potential) didn't help me at all but knowing where she was achievement-wise did give me a starting point and we experimented from there to find something that challenged her. I know where it becomes instructional (that "low simmer" another poster suggested) when she doesn't immediately know it. I tend to ramp things up slowly with her because she tends to be a perfectionist and it is easier not to frustrate her. I have found that providing her lots of options then following her lead has worked wonderfully. She still isn't a sequential learner and is all over the place level-wise but I have become more comfortable with it.


I have worked with children for 15 years...am a physical therapist for an early intervention program. I have learned through that work to never underestimate kids and what they might be capable of doing. I have worked with kids who doctors told parents at birth would never walk and talk who have ended up being ahead of age peers by their second birthday. I treat every child moving toward the next step, whatever that next step might be for them. I am always challenging them to do just slightly more than they thought they could do.


No one lives up to their "full potential." Scientists say that we all use only a minute percentage of our brain's capability. Time restrictions and resource limitations will always cause us to make choices. My goal for my kids is that they have the ability/option to go in whatever direction they chose when they are old enough and mature enough to make that decision. Learning isn't a race to me. They will be able to learn throughout adulthood. As long as they know how to learn and where to find answers, they will do well in whatever field they decide to pursue. In the meantime, I will simply challenge them everyday to do a little more than they thought they could do.

Days with no where to go...

As you can probably tell from the title of this blog, days with nothing to do are the exception rather than the rule in our houses. Today, which is a Monday, usually would consist of Haley and I going for a playdate at 9am, followed by fiddle at 11am, going back to my friend's for lunch, then violin at 2pm, a ride home and quick dinner, then taekwondo at 6pm. A strange coincidence of both violin and fiddle teacher being out of town and the holiday causing taekwondo cancellation left us with surprisingly no where to go.

We took the chance to catch up a bit on history and science that had fallen a week behind, clean and straighten the basement, do a little extra reading, and practice violin/fiddle a little longer than usual. Haley is putting the finishing touches on her Book 1 songs. She is playing Gossec Gavotte and Happy Farmer for the Friday @ 4 concert at the retirement home this week and has her Book 1 concert soon. She is having a lot of fun adding ornaments and fancy fingerings to her fiddle tunes and has been working on a relaxed wrist on her bow side.

Yesterday, I purchased a laptop and this afternoon Haley and I emailed back and forth to each other. Her first question was when she gets to go back to violin and fiddle...she really only missed a lesson today so I thought it was cute that she misses it already.

Twelve...

Since my oldest turned 12 years old a little more than a month ago, a miserable, pessimistic, preteen has snatched the body of the boy who once was my son. I don't know what became of the child who once was my sweet little boy but would gladly get him back if I could. Until now, I often heard of this happening but never would have thought it would happen to my child.

Is it hormones? An incredible need to find his own place in this world without as much parental interference? Whatever?

I am exaggerating a bit. He is not as bad as many preteens I have seen but he has changed in some almost indefinable way. He needs more alone time. He now rolls his eyes or pretends not to hear when asked for help. He is harder to break into a smile. I know it is normal for kids to change when puberty begins to approach. I feel like I am almost mourning for the child he once was while still looking forward to the teenager he is becoming. What a strange age this is.

My amazing kids...

Yesterday, I took the kids out for the day. I had to see a couple clients in the morning while they did their schoolwork either in the car or at a client's kitchen table. Afterward we went to Best Buy then Target so they could spend their Christmas giftcards. They each had a pile of giftcards and money saved up but I had put off shopping until the holidays were over so the stores wouldn't be crowded. At Best Buy, Dylan was being very secretive and asked if he could check-out by himself so Haley and I went out to the car while the boys checked themselves out. He was all smiles as he got into the car and proudly handed his little sister a "Highschool Musical" game she wanted for her Nintendo DS and told her "Merry Christmas." I couldn't help but tear up at his generosity. (It also reminded me that I should have taken him shopping prior to Christmas.) At Target he insisted on buying something for his brother as well, a Rubix cube game he wanted. My son is the most amazingly generous child! I am so proud of him.


At Haley's violin lesson, her teacher asked her what she would like to be when she grew up and she said "a doctor." (In bed last night she informed me that after talking to her teacher at lessons, she thinks she might want to be a musician instead. I told her she didn't have to decide right now anyone so keep her options open.) Anway, she then told her teacher about doctors at St.Jude's Children's Hospital who help sick children learn to ride bikes and try to make them well. Miss Gerry asked if St. Jude's was a family project and I had to admit that I had no idea where Haley had heard it. She informed up both that she saw a commercial about it on Noggin and thought she might like to play her violin for sick children to help them feel happy.

Miss Gerry said that she would help Haley with a concert or a benefit if she wanted (she didn't realize how far away St. Jude's is). At home I sent an email to Children's Hospital of Phila. but in a reply today, they said they don't allow children under 16 to volunteer due to infection control issues. A benefit may still be possible though I will have to check with Miss Gerry to see how we would go about organizing one.

Music thoughts....

Last night, Haley was begging for a piano lesson so after she practiced fiddle I taught her a couple short songs from the John Thompson book. She quickly figured them out then picked up the Phantom songbook she had to have and said she could try to play those songs now. She only picked out the melodies but I was amazed at how she, after only a couple sessions sitting at the piano had figured out the intervals between the notes. It first occurred to me when she was picking out the Christmas song melodies...she doesn't make mistakes when she picks them out. It is like she knows exactly where the sound she wants is on the keyboard. Whereas when I am picking out a song on piano there is a lot of trial and error.

After she was finished, I sat with the Phantom book and read the music to play a couple of the songs (with Haley dancing around with her cape, singing at the top of her lungs). I realized that when I read music...I see the note on the page then know it's position on the keyboard. I don't think about the sound at all until I play it and hear it (then I correct a mistake using the sound but still checking it with the note on the page).

Last night I could hardly sleep because it occurred to me that maybe that is the difference between an average player and a really good one. I sees the note and associates it with the position on the keyboard while Haley sees the note and associates it with the sound...like the sound and it's postiion are one in the same. Does that make any sense?

I wonder if that is why her ear is so good or if it is because her ear is so good that she thinks that way.

Testing results...

Yesterday, I spoke with the psychologist who tested Haley. She once again said that Haley was one of the easiest children she has tested in her 8 years testing gifted children. She has intellectual maturity, determination, drive, and a persistant work ethic. She is well rounded and has fairly even development across the board.

Haley tested in the gifted range. Her actual score was not as high as I had expected from all my reading and knowing her early development and how she learns/knows things. The tester did say that in a number of sections like grouping two items out of a number of items according to their characteristics, she seemed to be a creative, out-of-the-box kind of thinker...meaning she did not chose the easiest, most likely combination but the tester said her reasoning for her choices made absolute sense when she explained them (but since they weren't the "right" answers, they didn't get scored). It seemed kind of strange to me that a test of IQ would not take creativity and thinking processes into consideration but I guess it would be too hard to standardize. Also, I have read that these tests are truly for the average child even though many use them for giftedness.

I also have to question whether Haley was truly demonstrating all her skills because I know that she has the ability to look focused when, in fact, she is on autopilot and thinking a million other things. During those times, the casual observer would think she was being cooperative because she never refuses to do anything and will do a fair imitation of what needs to be done. Her violin teacher knows this as well as I do. She often, especially when performing a more difficult task, will go on autopilot and look around the room while playing a wonderful version of the song for her age but definately not as good as she can perform then when finished will ask questions not even remoted related to violin which proves she not thinking.

Haley's verbal scores were slightly higher than non-verbal. She did very well in factual knowledge, vocabulary, and relates concepts well. She also did well on picture completion (non-verbal) and processing speed.

The assessment of her academic skills were, as I thought, much more helpful to me in how I should go about teaching her. She tested above the 99th% in writing, spelling, math, and reading. She is basically functioning like a mid to late second grader though some subtests were slightly higher like word identification. The psychologist also gave her tests in each section that she normally does not do with children Haley's age related to reading fluency, writing fluency, and math fluency. These tests weren't normed for a 5yo because most 5 year olds are not reading, writing, and doing math well enough to take them.

The psychologist told me that Haley was self-motivated enough that following her lead was a great way for us to continue. Haley's scores academically qualify her for CTY's programs until 7th grade when she would need to take the SAT. (Even CTY does not use IQ scores for their admission requirements but, instead, use the achievement of the child.) I am not sure if I will use their programs...mostly because I don't want her online so much for her learning and the cost involved. Also, we have finally found the place in her math program where she is learning new material, albiet quickly but not quickly enough to be bored if I am careful and allow her to go off on a tangent when she wants to learn more.

After having Dylan's reading assessment last year with all it's very specific information and activity suggestions, I am a little disappointed so far with this assessment. I am hoping the written report will provide more of the answers I was looking for.

The psychologist did say that due to Haley's self motivation, following her lead and doing integrative study would be the best way to proceed. She did make a strong case for continuing homeschooling as the best option for a child like Haley. Though I already knew that, it was nice to hear it from someone else.

So, all in all, she told me I have a wonderful, amazing little girl which I already knew.

Adding it all up...

Last week Haley figured out how to do addition of double digits complete with carrying in a matter of minutes. "Duh, Mom, the tens go in the tens column" was her basic reasoning.

A cyberfriend of mine, a college math professor, suggested trying with larger numbers (triple digits, quadruple digits, etc...). I did and she easily applied her reasoning there to add almost any length of numbers given. The next suggestion was working with subtraction and borrowing. I think we'll try that one tomorrow.

Haley's test scores have not arrived yet. I keep waiting for them and researching more gifted sites and reading more books. I feel almost compelled to know what I am dealing with. I feel like I am holding her back with my need to teach sequentially.

I searched Barnes and Noble for more books on giftedness and it appears that I have read them all. The information I have found on websites is all starting to say things I already know but none of it comes close to telling me what I want to know about my own child...real answers. Waiting until Tuesday is so difficult.

I started re-reading A Case of Brilliance. This book comes the closest to telling me detailed information and I thought maybe a closer reading might be helpful. The author tells of small incidents that stand out to her as moments when she should have been able to guess how gifted her daughter was. I have a few of those moments myself. Like when Haley was 21 months old and read the word "Pizza" off a Pizza Hut sign even though we had never eaten there before so she had no reason link the two like kids do with the golden arches of McDonalds. When I asked her how she knew, she said, "Well it says it is really big letters." That sentence alone should have been a clue coming from a child under two let alone the reading that preceeded it.

To know or not to know...

I haven't even been able to post this yet because I still have such mixed feelings. I have only told Grammy and a few close virtual friends because I cannot bring myself to tell anyone else. Tuesday I am having Haley assessed at John's Hopkins Center for Talented Youth.

I have never really been one to think about testing before and in fact could always list all the reasons I would not test my kids until now.

1. We homeschool so I don't need to advocate with a school system for differentiated teaching or grade skipped in school.

2. I have a firm belief that IQ is meerly a potential to learn and would not change the way I treat/teach my kids because I had this number...I would continue to expect great things from them even if they didn't have as high an IQ as I originally thought.

3. It costs a lot of money.

Well, then, you may ask, why have I suddenly done a complete 180 with Haley?

I know my boys are smart, incredibly smart actually. Newt learns like I learn...sequentially, everything in order as he is taught it or learns it himself from books/experience. Dylan is a hands on learner who is incredibly creative yet not very into school and its trappings. If he can't figure out why he needs to know something then he can't see the point of putting in the effort.

Haley has been different from the start. She met her milestones more quickly, maybe because of them, who knows. But she learns in a way I have only read about in books on gifted kids. She is taught one little thing then suddenly has a huge leap in knowledge and knows how to do way more than she was ever shown.

Some examples:

Reading: She picked up letter sounds from a Leap Frog video at 18 months. She asked me how to sound out small words so I showed her how to blend them then played a few games to teach her. We started the 100EZ lessons book a few times but never made it past CVC words then she started a Phonics Workbook and, before she finished the basic consonent sounds, was reading anything and everything including words with phonics rules I never taught her. The most amazing thing was that she never went through the slow reading...sounding each word out stage (you know, that agonizing for parents stage where you just want to give them the word because you are going to forget what the story is about before they read it).

Music: She is taught the basics on her violin and the first 4 Twinkle variations. From that she figured out every other song's notes before she was taught all the way through Book 4. She played around with her violin and figured out slurs, shifting, and different bowing techniques.

Math: She knew everything from 1st grade in 4 months and the first half of 2nd grade in 2 months. She figured out the concept of multiplication and extrapolated on what she was taught about identifying simple fractions to figure out more complex fraction problems. I don't even know what level her math knowledge is.

These incredible burst of knowledge and the ability to take knowledge and figure out so much on her own have led me to feel like I can't keep up with her. I feel like I need to know where she is and how to best teach a child who learns in this way to help her reach her full potential.

I am also interested in some of the gifted classes offered through CTY and EPGY but need test scores to be approved to take those.

And lastly, I know that now is a pretty good time to get this testing done. She is old enough to be cooperative yet young enough not to ceiling out any tests. Having these scores may help get her into programs in the future.

Suzuki parenting...

There has been an ongoing discussion on the Suzuki chat group about getting started with violin practice with resistant small children. A fellow chatter, Suzuki mother, and teacher, Miranda explained the four-fold way to be successful...

"1. Show up. If you're teaching your own, that means something a little different than cheerfully going to lessons. It means including your child in your community of students. It means making the time each day for practicing to happen. It doesn't mean anything about your child doing anything at all. It just creates the possibility and helps nurture the interest. You just keep creating that nurturing environment. Time works magic.

2. Pay attention to what is good, true and beautiful. One way of putting this into practice is to make it a habit of reflecting on every single practice session with the question "what is one thing that worked well here today?" Become conscious of those things -- you may have to dig deep to find them at first -- and do what you can to allow them to grow. At first the "good, true and beautiful" might just be your child's strong will, or boundless energy ... something in the "mixed blessing" category. But if you can become more aware of it as a potentially positive force, and look for ways to enjoy it and turn it to advantage, you'll gradually get more and more stuff that is true and beautiful. Eventually you'll find more complex stuff that's working well, things like "when I let her choose a legato piece to play after each left hand exercise, she remains happy and focused, and her tone stays good."

3. Speak the truth in love. For me this means relating verbally to my child in ways that are less about instruction and control and more in the style of positive yet honest observations and facilitations ... always spoken in an unaffected, genuine, loving tone. So rather than saying "please try to keep your eyes on your bow" I'd say "Your sound is much more beautiful when you watch and keep your bow on the highway." I would stay clear of praise and positive judgements designed to manipulate my child, because that stuff doesn't feel "true" to me. Encouragement rather than praise. Encouragement rather than criticism, nagging or instruction.4. Do not become attached to outcome. Oh my, this is the toughest one for parents who are also teachers. We know what children are capable of in an optimal environment. We think we've got a pretty rich environment happening for our own child, so we expect pretty impressive results. We may not have shallow expectations like "Perpetual Motion by age 5" but we have many less tangible ones. We expect our child will become focused, will be motivated and will get some goal-oriented work accomplished, learning at a brisk pace that is right for her. If you figure out how to really let go of your attachment to these outcomes, you'll be three kids further ahead of the game than I am. I am only just beginning to get this down with my fourth child ... and perhaps only because she's making it easy by having a natural affinity for the sorts of outcomes I'm trying to let go of."


I absolutely love this. Even though I have never really spelled it out before, reading it, I found that this is exactly how I go about things...well nearly every day. (I am sure we all have grouchy days once in awhile.) This way of thinking has helped me to be creative and come up with different ways of doing things...games to play, choices to give my little violinist, etc... My personal goal is to think like this everyday.

I wonder if....

The boys have their friends, Matt and Danny, over to spend the night. We set up a tent in the backyard with a complete campsite (my idea--hoping to get some sleep myself). I was doing a little search on the computer listening to Haley running in and out of the house humming and singing to herself, her stuffed animals, etc... That made me think about my boys and how big they are and pretty soon she will be big like that too.

I was thinking about the way she seems to know intuitively the inner workings of the world even though she is only 5 and does not have worldly experience. It made me wonder what happens to us between childhood and adulthood that makes us stop singing to ourselves and listening to the inner voice that gives us intuitive knowledge. Does that voice go away or is it still there, drown out by the busy-ness of life?

I hope that by homeschooling Haley, she will listen to her inner voice longer and sing to herself longer and it won't be beaten out of her by peer pressure or the need to conform to school life. I will be so sad when she doesn't sing while she plays anymore. You know all the little things our kids do, the way they say a certain word or have a certain habit, and then someday you look up and realize they don't do it anymore and you can't remember when it stopped (like Newt calling me "Meme" instead of "Mommy" or Dylan asking for a drink by saying, "I need my here mommy." or Haley asking for toilet papier like she is from France.) I want to pay attention to every day but it's so hard when life is so busy. She is my last "baby" and I don't want to miss a moment of her growing up.

Views on self motivation...

There has been a lot of discussion in my gifted group recently about self motivation/determination and it's impact on a child's giftedness. Almost every book I have read on giftedness talks about task commitment/self motivation as an important factor in a child's success. I don't remember any of them discussing whether it is inborn or learned or how you develop it.

I have been reading a book called "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Gardner. In this book, the author feels that a person's can have one of two mindsets: either a fixed mindset where they feel that intelligent/creativity, etc... are inborn traits or a growth mindset where they believe that a person's intellect or other traits are constantly changing based on how hard the person works. In this view a person with a fixed mindset would be less likely to take on challenging tasks because they either believe a smart person should not have to work hard or that a failure would prove they are not as smart as others believe them to be. A person with a growth mindset would view gladly accept a challenge and view failure as a learning experience.



I believe there is some merit to these views but don't believe they tell the whole story on why a person is or is not motivated. There are so many factors that work together to make a person who they become. I am sure some part of a person's motivation must have to be inborn or personality based. I am also sure that a person's experiences will lead them to be more or less motivated.



I have three different children. I would probably say that in certain instances Newt is very self motivated but not always highly so. He will work hard on things that interest him but also need a push at times when a lot of effort is required. Dylan is motivated if it has to do with physical labor or creating something but is very unmotivated to keep his room clean or do school work, especially reading. He has become more motivated to practice his guitar and do his math as he has matured. Haley is the most highly self motivated of all my children. She will work hard to overcome any challenge. She works hard to do her schoolwork without being asked, practice violin, keeps her stuff organized, etc... How many not quite 5 year olds would work independently to master things like she does without any input from anyone else to motivate her? It is amazing to me to watch her and see what she comes up with.



Besides birth order each of these children has had the same basic upbringing. I spoiled them all though Haley may be the most spoiled just because of circumstances (she is so much younger than the boys and my last/ the boys entertain and play with each other a lot so I play with her/ etc....) I try to praise effort rather than their personal traits for all of them. Their personalities must play a role in it. I do believe that they can learn to be self motivated by being brought up to set goals and reach those goals and by being parented in a growth mindset sort of way. I think maturity and developing their own interests will also them to become more motivated.

Some of it must be heredity. I am very goal oriented and have been as long as I can remember but I don't know if I was that way at 4 or younger. Maybe it was the way I was brought up. Who knows for sure? Some people grow up in incredibly awful conditions, end up being very self motivated, and succeed.

Ramblings on giftedness...

Yesterday, as I was typing my introductory thread to a new person on a gifted message board I started- this child can do this and that one can do that, I started thinking. I have been thinking and thinking about it all night and just need to get it off my chest.

Here I am typing in things they can do, academic things,and none of those things even come close to why I think they might be gifted. Sure, those things work as a baseline and give others something to compare them to but they don't come close to measuring the real thing. What I mean is...some profoundly gifted children may start talking in complete sentences at 1 while others may not even start talking until 3 or 4 (like Einstein), some gifted children may start reading at 2 while others may not until 6...Do you get where I am going? Sure, those early, wonderful, amazing, eye-opening achievements may let us know to start looking at whether or not they are gifted but they don't really give us all that much information.

I have been reading book after book after book on giftedness and learning theory, etc. I know I have been searching for answers but until last night I couldn't really put into words exactly what I have been searching for. What I really am trying to know is exactly what is this giftedness and how can I use what my children were given to help them live the most fulfilling life they can lead? How do I know what they were put on this earth to do or if I can't know then how do I help them achieve what they were put on this earth to do without knowing?

Pretty lofty goals, huh?!?

I have been reading the whole nature vs. nuture argument and depending on which book or study I read, each leans a different way. One book states that the child is born with the potential while another says that they can be lead in the direction to develop higher potential. In a book by Shinichi Suzuki (the violin guy), he talks about this school class he developed where he took a group of preschool children and taught them to memorize haiku (and many other things) and even though the children were not selected for their ability but randomly, after the program all had IQs above 150. Pretty amazing stuff, right. But if that were the case then why haven't people picked up on that and done it more broadly to make every child have this high IQ.

And then really, what is IQ?

Most of you know that I am a physical therapist and I work with kids under 3. I do developmental assessments. When Haley was 3, the State of NJ started using this new test for every child. Well, when I received my kit I took it home and tested her (the test is for kids up to age 6) to get an idea of the items and how the scoring works, etc... She tested at a 6 year level in everything except gross motor (which ended up being 4.5 yrs) and in many cases hit the ceiling on the test. I think social-emotional skills were the only other area she didn't hit the ceiling and that was because many items dealt with being in large groups like in a school setting and she never was.

Anyway, nothing in the test tested anything but what she could do. I think the real thing that makes her gifted is the way she looks at the world. How do you test that? How do you quantify that? I don't think there is really a way. I mean, how many children who are barely over 2 years old ask questions about God and how he can see everything in the world? How many are so fascinated by death yet afraid of it at the same time? How many kids can look at a person and be able to catch every detail of their mannerisms and behavior so they can do an impersonation that hits so close you can guess who they are doing and you say, "Yeah, they do do that"? How many constantly make connections about everything, notice everything, and remember everything, even the most minute detail of their existence?

Then you have all of that information and what do you do with it? How do you help them to be who they are supposed to be instead of some depressed wreck of a person who becomes so out of touch with the world they can't function?

Many of the books I read say that most of the geniuses of the world who make the biggest contributions to society had some horrible event or stress in their lives like someone close to them die or alcoholism or abuse. Who wants any of that for their child? There is so much information out there to teach them and so many possible ways to do it. How do you choose which way is the best and what should they really know?

I am a person who likes to have all the answers and often times, even in this area, I can come up with something that is good enough or maybe better put, the best I can do. With my boys, it was a little easier. I just give them the most information they can handle and teach them whatever they ask to learn plus the information and skills I think they need to do well in college. With my oldest, I provide him the best wrestling coaches I can afford and take him to as many practices as I can. The boys seem to learn linearly and they easily learn whatever I teach them.

With Haley it is becoming a little harder. She seems to grasp entire concepts without seeming to have been taught. She picked up letter sounds from a DVD before she was 18 months old then learned to blend them. I gave her a few lessons on the blending and she seemed to stop working on it for awhile. Then out of the blue she can read anything and everything, even utilizing phonics rules she was never specifically taught.

Also, if she was really put on this earth to play violin, I don't know what it takes to do that and have to rely on other people to help me more. This is a completely different realm and a very expensive realm at that. I started her in violin just to make her better at math and give her a skill she could use to relieve stress. The cost of lessons was one thing but now we are going to a more expensive teacher and foregoing the big family vacation out west so she can attend an institute with wonderful teachers. It doesn't matter to me one way or another whether violin is her calling or just is a direction she will go that will help her and teach her life lessons for other adventures but I want to give her everything I can just in case that is what she ends up wanting to do.

It is a huge responsibility to make these decisions and I have to make them, clearly keeping in mind that I cannot become so involved that I start to make her do violin because we have made such and such decision. It has to continue to be fun for her and something she wants to do.

Okay, I think I have rambled on enough and gotten some of this out of my system. There are so many hard questions. I think it is hard being a parent no matter whether your child is gifted or not. I think it is just an extra burden/gift when they are. Maybe more of a responsibility than a burden. I feel a huge responsibility and many times I am just fine with the decisions I make and other times I find myself second guessing everything. I guess in the end, no amount of reading is going to tell me exactly what I want to know because no one really knows but I will keep reading and looking for pieces to the puzzle.

It is like the parents who ask me when their child will take those first steps. I can teach the parent to give them all the skills necessary to be able to walk- balance, strength, coordination, trunk control, etc... but it is really then all up to the child whether or not they have the courage and determination to take those first steps. Some children, who I think will never be able to walk do, while others who I think should be walking, don't.

I don't know why I expect to know more about my own kids because it is the same thing. I can give them all the skills but in the end what they do with their lives is their own choice.