Following the Passions of the Gifted Child...

The past few months there has been a lot of discussion on The Well Trained Mind forums about the interests and activities of children and how far parents are willing to go to allow their child to follow those interests or participate in certain activities. On the Accelerated Learner Board, many of these discussions have centered around gifted children who have what can be called a "passion" in a particular area due to the extremely high level of interest, time, and energy they devote to their activity. There seem to be two "camps" of parenting occupying either end of a broad continuum regarding children's activities and a whole range of those in between.

On one side of the continuum are parents who have decided the main focus for their family is time together as a family. This may be a purposeful decision made as part of their parenting philosophy or it maybe made out of necessity due to lack of resources...mainly time, money, or a family situation that limits participation in activities (maybe due to having a new baby, younger children, or taking care of elderly relatives). Sometimes both parents work and their time in the evenings is time to unwind with the family rather than shuffling this child in one direction and that in another.  Maybe there is only one family car or running all the time is too stressful for the family. Some people prefer their time at home or have children who are not interested in outside activities. Others feel the need to protect their family from the stress of running around and feel their child's time is better spent in free play either alone, with siblings, or with neighborhood children. Whatever the reason(s) for their decision-making, these families tend to chose no activities for their children, an activity all the children are able to participate in together, or limit each child to one activity.

On the other end are the families whose lives revolve around their children's activities. These families might have children involved in multiple activities or with a very high level of involvement in one. They might cart children off in a different direction nearly every night of the week or juggle the activities of multiple kids going different ways on the same day. Many want their children to experience as many different activities as possible to find what interests them most or make them well-rounded. Sometimes these families have a child or children who are extremely talented in one area. These parents do things others might find extreme or ridiculous such as driving hours away for lessons, moving across the country for a certain coach or program, or spending their family vacations providing their child opportunities in camps or competitions.

Kids around the world are involved in all types of activities...sports, music, dance, drama, technology, academic areas, debate, etc.... The majority will be average at their chosen activity or show different interests at different times in their lives. Even among the gifted population some kids are generalists with a variety of interests and levels of involvement while others have a smaller focus area.  A small minority will show extreme talent in a given area. These are the outliers. Besides demonstrating more facility and learning more quickly than their peers, these kids tend to drive their own interest. They practice or study/research a topic for hours at a time. They enjoy spending their "free" time noodling by themselves or engaging with others who have a similar interest. Their intense focus and interest can best be described as a "passion."

A parent who does not have this type of child may not be able to fathom interest and drive so strong in a child because it falls outside their realm of experience. They might view the parent as pushing their child or will respond they are more interested in their child being "well rounded" than allowing them to focus on only one thing...but what if your child has no interest in being "rounded" and can only see themselves as an arrow pointed in one direction? How does one parent that child? How far does one go to support this type of child and their area of passion? How does a parent set limits on what their family is able to do for their child? Where does a parent find the resources to assist their child in following their interest, help them get to the next level, or find outlets where they can share their interest with others? How much time should the parent allow their child to spend on their area of interest? Should the parent work to make their child more well-rounded?

These are the types of questions that tend to come up now and then on the WTM accelerated learner forum. The answers are as varied as the children they involve.

Here are some of my thoughts on these issues...

-I let my child's involvement guide what I am willing to do. Haley puts in the work to practice, listen to pieces, compose her own music, research, asks to attend sessions, etc… so I feel a certain responsibility to help her when I can by finding resources, paying for lessons, driving her, and making sure she has equipment on par with her abilities.  What I am willing to do has grown along with her level of involvement. Sometimes what once might have seemed ridiculous to me gradually became the best choice for our situation. For example, when she first started fiddling, a local teacher met her needs but eventually we had to travel hours away to find a higher level teacher.

-In our family there are limits to what we are able to do because we have three kids who all need my time and resources. Each has different needs, interests, and levels of involvement in their interests. With Haley, the amount of time and money spent on travel and lessons has gradually increased. If someone had told me eight years ago what I'd be paying now, I would never have believed them or thought it possible but at each level, our family has found a way (sometimes a creative way) to make things work. Luckily, the increases with Haley have been offset by decreasing needs, especially in the time department, with the boys who are getting older, doing many of their activities through school, learning to drive (and wanting to drive themselves), and now one going to college…this has hurt the family resources area but we'll figure it out. Dylan has a similar interest in music so many times he and Haley do things like performances and summer camps together which makes things easier.

-I involve my child in the decision making process with regards to her area of interest. When a major decision needs to be made we discuss the pros and the cons of each possibility. I listen to her ideas and needs as she sees them rather than assuming I always know what is best or driving her in a certain direction because I think it is the right one. Haley plays more than one style of music and recently relatively big decisions needed to be made on which is more important to her right now…time travel still not being a possibility and all. She had to decide what to do about orchestra. Continuing meant giving up some opportunities to play Irish music. I researched all possible options of different orchestras and when their concerts and rehearsals were held and together, we listed the pros and cons of each. In the end, the decision was hers and it was a well thought out, informed decision based on all our research and discussion.

-I make an effort to find friends for her with similar interests. These friends aren't always her age and it isn't ever easy because there are no kids in our immediate area playing Irish music (or classical music at the same level). Anything Haley does with others involves traveling at least 45 minutes and up to 5 hours or more. Recently she has spent more time with kids closer her age (and closer to us…45 to 60  minutes away rather than 3-5 hours). They have been working together to raise funds to travel to Ireland, playing together in competitions, at performances, and in sessions regularly the last couple months and it has been a lot of fun for her. Haley was also offered an opportunity to work in a music group for the Ireland competition with girls her age who live mid-way across the country from us. They sent her the music, which she learned, and will visit to rehearse together, which will be a blast. The benefits of getting to know and play others with similar interests is always worth the effort involved.

-I advocate for my child and help find resources. At 12 years old (today!!!), she does not know all the possibilities or where to find every resource she might need….though she is getting better and better at this as she gets older. The internet has been my most often used resource but involvement in the community of people with a similar interest, attending events (for us this has been concerts, fundraisers, festivals, etc…) and getting to know/talking with people runs a close second. Even though I advocate when I need to, like making sure a performance is not too long, she has enough rest, or the sound is set up correctly, I also give Haley opportunities to advocate for herself and make connections with people in safe environments so she will be able to be her own advocate as she gets older. For example, this year she had an idea of a way to volunteer at camp to help pay her tuition. Rather than sending emails to the director myself, I encouraged her to send an email to him explaining her idea and asking if he would allow her the opportunity to try it.  I felt it would be a good learning experience for her to take the lead on something, put her idea out there, and learn to handle the success or disappointment depending on the director's decision. She did it and it worked out for her in a positive way.

-My child is allowed to spend as much of her free time as she wants with her music but she also needs to receive an education, for my comfort and to have a backup plan. Injuries happen and interests can change. Homeschooling gives her more free time than she'd have if in school but she still has educational requirements each day in math, reading, history, science, and foreign languages. Even if she decides to pursue music as a career, she will have the benefits of a strong educational background. I also encourage her other interests…right now those are writing and crafting.

-When life gets really hectic and I feel like I am barely keeping up with our family's schedule, I check in with Haley to gauge her stress level. Right now she has multiple gigs each week (it's festival season) so she is practicing more plus her regular schedule of lessons and school. Also, some of her closer friends are finishing up school and attending area sessions so she is asking to go to those as well. The other day in the car I asked her thoughts on all we had going on and if she needed a break. She enthusiastically declared she loves everything she is doing. If she had expressed the need for less, we would have figured out where to cut back.


I probably had completely different ideas on these sorts of questions five years ago and in another five years I will be able to look back in hindsight and see if we made good decisions. Our lives are always evolving through our experiences and as my daughter gets older she takes more and more control over her life and music.

I would love to hear how other parents deal with these issues at different stages in their children's lives.

Click on the picture below if you'd like to read the rest of the posts on this blog tour!!!!

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour

Welcome to the 2014 Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour!

Parenting a gifted child can sometimes be as challenging as it is rewarding. That’s why for the third year in row, parents from The Well Trained Mind Message boards have created a blog tour to share wisdom, joy, tribulations and advice.

Starting Sunday, June 22nd the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour will discuss some of the most pertinent issues facing gifted education today:

On June 22nd Sceleratus Classical Academy will kick off our tour with “How a Gifted Childhood Prepared Me for Gifted Parenting”.

On June 23d At Home in the North Woods will share “Great Expectations, four ideas for dealing with perfectionism.”

On June 24th Homeschooling: or Who’s Ever Home will write about “Following the Passions of the Gifted Child.”

On June 25th Teaching My Baby to Read will feature a guest post.

On June 26th Homeschooling Hatters will discuss “Twice Exceptionality, when just one exception isn’t enough!”

On June 27th Teaching My Baby to Read will write about “Intensity Fades but doesn’t Forget.”

A difficult thing to understand about children with high IQs is that just because they are gifted, it doesn’t mean they are easy to teach or parent. In fact, often times the opposite is true.

This blog tour is written by people who understand what you’re going through. We are sending encouragement your way! So the next time you wake up at 3 AM worrying about your child, at least you’ll know that you aren’t alone.

Thanks for being with us on this journey!

Nurturing Musical Talent in Gifted Children...

Much of my blog tends to focus on my children's music. I am posting this after another weekend full of travel, music, and fun. When I told my kids to "pick an instrument," I never thought our lives would eventually become consumed by music. I was thinking weekly lesson and daily practice for a few minutes...not numerous lessons every week, hours and hours of practice, performances, evenings at pubs, etc....  I am not an expert in nurturing musical talent in every child or even in my own. I am not even a musician.

So why read this post?

There have been a few things I have learned and thought a lot about during the last few years and someone might find these things helpful. Each of my kids has a different level of interest and involvement in music so each has needed a different amount of parental involvement and nurturing.

Why nurture musical talent in a gifted child?

For many of our kids academic subjects come easily. Many seem to know material before it is covered or even if they don't already know it, they learn it in seconds. Learning to play an instrument takes hard work, dedication, and perseverance. Even when memorizing/reading music comes easily or they have an amazing ear, learning the actual technique necessary to master an instrument takes practice. Motor learning requires repetition. With a gifted child, for whom everything else comes easily, learning to play an instrument is an excellent way to teach them how to work hard and practice something for mastery.

Learning to play violin helped "cure" my daughter of her seemingly inborn perfectionism (yes, probably hereditary). Giving her time to fool around with her instrument, to experiment with new sounds and songs, gave her the freedom to see that sometimes "mistakes" can sound good or lead to new ideas. Seeing her favorite Irish musicians occasionally make errors in front of a crowd, let her know that everyone makes mistakes.

How to nurture musical talent?

The specific answer to this is as individual as the child. Haley's violin teacher once told me we'd have to find our own path and that is true for everyone. Some things I have learned along our path have been...

Make music a part of your lives. This may seem a bit obvious but is very important. Listen to many different styles of music, sing  together in the car, and dance around the kitchen. Take your child to concerts. We've found so many free and inexpensive concerts of all styles in our little area of the country and it always amazes me that more people don't take advantage of them. Check around...local music teachers' recitals, coffee shop open mic nights, and churches are places to start. Kids will learn to behave in performances but if you have to leave early, that's okay especially if the show was free. Show your child you love music and it is important.

Introduce them to a variety of instruments. Toy instruments are everywhere. Sometimes you can find instrument petting zoos or visit music shops to try out different instruments. There are some great books like "The Story of the Orchestra" by Robert Levine that come with a CD of orchestral music and short clips of the different instruments playing solo. Talk about different instruments with your child and see which sounds he likes best. See what instrument your child is interested in learning to play.

Let the child's interest guide you on when to begin lessons. Many people want to know when they should start their child in music lessons. This is very individual and depends on attention, maturity, and fine motor development in the child plus available family resources. If you have done all of the above, your child may have developed a love of music and have their own ideas of which type of instrument she'd like to play. If your child asks to start learning to play an instrument, it's not too young to begin lessons. Methods like the Suzuki method start children as young as 2 or 3. Children are taught through play and the parent's job is to act as a practice partner and make it fun. Other pedagogies start children at different ages. Some instruments are more difficult for a very young child to learn because they don't come in fractional sizes (like a trumpet or uillean pipes) so they may want to begin music instruction on a different instrument (like piano or tin whistle or violin) until they are big enough to play the instrument they prefer.

Find the best teacher for your child. I started to put...find the best teacher you can afford but that's not always true. The best teacher for your child may not be the most expensive teacher in your area due to personality differences or teaching style.

Ask around to find a good teacher...music stores, music teachers at school, musicians, and other parents with children already studying an instrument will all make good resources.

Who do musicians in your area take their children to for music instruction? Attend a prospective teacher's studio recital and listen to how his/her students play from her earliest beginners to the most advanced students. Learning to play an instrument correctly the first time around is much easier than fixing poor technique...especially for a child who has practiced that poor technique really, really well. Ask me how I know.

Have a trial lesson with your child and the prospective teacher. See how they interact together. Does the way the teacher correct and praise work well with your child's personality.

If you later find the teacher isn't working for your child for whatever reason, discuss the difficulties with the teacher. It may be a matter of the teacher knowing what the problem is and trying to fix it...if not, then don't be afraid to find a new teacher.

Daily practice. Again, here let the child's interest guide you as to length of practice and how a practice session progresses but daily practice is important. In the beginning, it is important to establish a routine. If practice begins daily, it has a better chance of becoming a habit and non-negotiable like brushing your teeth. Sure, some days they practice just a few minutes because of time constraints, illness, or disinterest but it still shows the child the importance of practice. Make practice fun and engaging especially when they are young....charts, games, challenges, prizes. An abacus with the challenge of doing 100 repetitions of a certain passage in a week was one of Haley's favorite things. Other favorites included practicing in different rooms of the house, in front of a mirror, or outside in the yard or making her own flashcards with each piece she had to work on and another set with each technique issue she needed to address then letting me guess which technique she had chosen to work on as she practiced it. Edmund Sprunger's book "Helping Parents Practice: Tips for Making It Easier" is filled with great ideas if you don't think you are creative enough to make it fun.

Practice to make it easier. This phrase has been my favorite throughout my daughter's violin "career." I am sure we all have heard "Practice makes perfect." or "Perfect practice makes perfect." I think perfectionism can be a huge problem for many of our gifted children. They know how they want to sound but it takes time for them to achieve their goal. In the beginning, whenever Haley found she could not do something the first try, she balked. She'd talk to her teacher about anything that popped in her head or lay down on the carpet in the lesson room (it was a cozy carpet). Taking the pressure off of her with the above saying, then breaking the task into smaller, more easily accomplished tasks and letting her know it was okay if she couldn't perform it perfectly....we were working to make it easier, eventually taught her she could learn to do anything she wanted to through practice whether it was learning to do a cartwheel, do a math problem, or play a challenging violin piece.

Praise the work, not the child or their talent. A child has no control over what she was born with. Haley has a good ear. She learns and memorizes quickly. Praising her for those things does nothing but feed into perfectionism. What happens when another child comes along who learns more quickly or plays better?  Instead, I praise her for things like completing 100 repetitions of a skill or for putting in 4 hours of practice on a given day, those things she does have control over and can change. When she performs, I praise specific aspects of the performance...her intonation in a spot I know she worked hard on, her phrasing, her vibrato, etc... For Haley, it works best if I do not discuss a performance with her the day of. I do not go over anything she is working on by telling her to remember this or that. All her work is done during practice in the days leading up to a performance so one the day of the performance, I simply give her a hug, tell her she'll do great, and let her go. When she comes off the stage, she gets another hug and specific praise on those specific things she did well. Even if she forgot to do something, I don't bring it up. I figure the performance is over, why dwell on anything negative.

If your child likes to perform, find them opportunities. Whether it is in front of a line-up of stuffed animals or in front of a crowd of people, kids who enjoy performing need those opportunities. From the very earliest time, even when all she knew was how to hold her violin in rest position and bow, my dd was involved in small performances. Nursing homes, group classes, relatives...are all wonderful first audiences. Working on something for a performance is a different mindset than simply learning the piece. I know Haley has much more focus on details if she knows she is going to perform something.

Pushing vs. nurturing. Progress in music is as individual as each child. Please be careful to avoid comparison with other children even within your own family.

The Suzuki method worked wonderfully for my daughter and our family but I tend to dislike the prescribed order of pieces in the method. It seems one of the first questions we were asked when meeting new Suzuki friends was "what piece are you on?" It seemed sometimes it was to see what the kids had in common but sometimes it was to establish a "pecking order." Telling someone what piece your child is working on really tells them nothing about how your child plays that piece which is the important thing with learning to play an instrument.  Enjoy each piece your child is working on. Enjoy the process and show your child moving ahead from piece to piece isn't as important as learning to play well.

There are days when practice is not what my child would chose to do but usually I only have to tell her it is up to her whether or not she practices. I think she wants to know she does have a choice in the matter. We often discuss her long term goals and whether she is happy about the way things are going with her music...what she likes and doesn't like about it.  I think pushing or nudging a child to get over a hump and keep working toward a their long term goal is sometimes necessary and not a bad thing. When kids are young, they may not know how to reach their goals or they may not have the drive every single day to work hard.

To me, the difference between nurturing and pushing comes down to whose goals are driving the process. Is one working to meet the child's goals or their own parental goals for their child...living vicariously or projecting their desire for praise or their idea of success onto their child? Sometimes the line between each is difficult to establish and requires a bit of soul searching.

If your child develops a passion for music, nurture that passion in whatever ways work for your family. We (and some of our good friends) do some things others might consider crazy to nurture our child's musical passion...miles of driving, travel all over the country and outside the country, downsizing our home, giving up our own interests and family vacations, not to mention the costs involved. Some families might decide what we do isn't for them. I make my decisions by asking myself...if my daughter decided to quit tomorrow, would I feel we had wasted our time/money on this?  That's just my litmus test, I am sure you can come up with your own.

Here's a little video of two of my kids and their friends at camp last year....

I have read some great books on talent and music....they are on the sidebar of my blog so I won't list them all again so hop over there if you are interested in reading more on this subject.

This post is part of a series of posts for the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2013 which is going on all this week. To read the other blogs participating in this series please click here.

Announcing the 2013 Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour...

Announcing the 2013 Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour, June 14th - June 21st.

Homeschooling: Or Who's Ever Even Home is very excited to be participating in the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2013 from June 14th-21st. 

This international blog tour is organized by parents who met on The Well Trained Mind Message boards.

We come from different parts of the world, different school choices, and different social and economic backgrounds, but we all have one thing in common. We know that parenting a gifted child can sometimes be as challenging as it is rewarding.

If you have ever woken up at 3 AM in the morning wondering “What am I going to do with this child?” then this blog tour is for you!

From June 14th-21st the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour will discuss some of the most pertinent issues facing gifted education today:

On June 14th Sceleratus Classical Academy will kick off our tour with “Comparison is the Thief of Joy.”

On June 15th Only Passionate Curiosity will share “Maturity vs. Ability; It’s a Big Deal”. Childhood Inspired will write about “Nurturing Other Aspects of Giftedness Besides Academics”.

On June 16th Teaching My Baby to Read will feature “Harry Potter, Muggles, Mudbloods, and Giftedness in Family Trees”.

On June 17th Homeschooling: or Who’s Ever Home will write about “Nurturing Musical Talent in the Gifted Child”.

On June 18th Strader Spiel will discuss “Homeschooling a Gifted Child with Special Needs” and The Washington Collation of Gifted Education will share “I’m an Advocate and So Are You”.

On June 19th Northwoods Classical Academy will write about “The Making of a Mathlete”.

On June 20th Homeschooling Hatters will share “Just Let Him Be a Kid”, and Sceleratus Classical Academy will end our tour with a guest post titled “When a Flower Blooms”.

There is still room for more contributions, so please email teachingmybabytoread@gmail.com if you are interested in joining the tour!

A Broader Definition of Success for Gifted Children

Back in 2008, I read this article and though it was interesting, I didn't necessarily agree with the author's point of view.

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2026 

I wrote a blog post about my problems with the article back then and was asked to expound a bit on it for this blog tour....so here it goes.

I, personally, don't think accommodating gifted children is about creating prodigies, Nobel prize winners, or the next Mozart. When my kids read at 3-4 years old, I didn't automatically think that I was going to create the next Nobel prize winner. My goal was to provide them with materials they found interesting to read but not too emotionally mature for their tender years and to read with them everyday. When Haley began to show advanced musical ability, my goal was not to create the next Mozart. I simply found ways to meet her needs for instruction, performance opportunities, and social outlets. My main goal in homeschooling my children has always been to give them what they need

to feel challenged, give them an education that keeps many doors open for them so they have options, and teach them where they are so they maintain a love of learning and become adults who are able to find a job doing something they want to do.

I have a much broader definition of success than Mr. Gladwell would accept. I believe there are many other important aspects of human beings worthy of being celebrated besides academics or huge achievements. In the article, Mr. Gladwell considered people with over 150 IQ as not having obtained success if they didn't become Noble prizewinners or make huge contributions to some field of study. Many of those in the study did get advanced degrees and go on to work in the field of their choosing leading productive lives but to him, that was not successful enough.  By Mr. Gladwell's standards, I am a failure. I fall under his definition of gifted but I "only" work part-time and chose to put my efforts into homeschooling and mothering my kids. I always wanted to be a mother and consider it my most important calling. I purposefully chose a career that would provide me with flexible hours so I had time to be home and raise my children.  I am happy with my life and am raising three great kids. To me, that is all the success I need.

Not every precocious child will grow into an eminent adult who makes amazing contributions in a some field considered useful to the masses. There are so many factors such as personal interest, internal motivation, creativity, hard work, drive, and a bit of luck that often factor in much more than innate ability. Also, some people have so many interests, they cannot limit themselves to one particular field of study, some are interested in a field/area not many others are interested in, while others make small contributions in their own local area or for themselves that are not celebrated by throngs of people. I think it is very limiting to view those lives as less successful.

If we accommodate gifted children with the only goal being eminence or with expectations for them to contribute in some amazing way, we risk putting too heavy a burden on them. How many gifted children burn out or resist challenge or opportunities because they have the weight of their parents' (or other adult's) expectations on their shoulders? How many have their fragile egos shattered when they don't live up to someone else's expectations?

Mr. Gladwell compares gifted issues in academics and music to sports issues. I think there are some major differences between prodigious abilities in sports and those in music or academics. Few school districts cut back on their football budget or stop team try-outs for fear that some kids will be disappointed and not make it to a pro career. Unfortunately, when it comes to giftedness in academics or music, many schools around the country are cutting budgets (or have no funding to cut) and neglecting gifted kids. I think Mr. Gladwell's ideas are dangerous weapons for schools to use to justify their neglect of the gifted. If only a very small percentage of the gifted will "succeed" (using Mr. Gladwell's definition) then why bother accommodating them at school? Also, discussion of a child's success in sports is much more socially acceptable than discussing their success in academics or music, which are often viewed in society as elitist.

I believe it is important to accommodate while also protecting our kids from pressure, disappointment, or burnout by allowing each child to work with and expand whatever gifts or interests they have whether they be academic, musical, athletic, leadership, etc... Those who absorb information faster and understand more complex concepts at a younger age need accommodations whether it means going faster or deeper or some combination of the two. I fear holding bright kids back or allowing them to coast without proper challenge will be detrimental to their love of learning. Allowing them to learn at their own pace and broadening their education by following their passions and interests keeps the love of learning alive and allows them to experiment in a variety of areas. We, as parents, also need to be careful not to mistake our goals for our children for their own goals/needs putting unnecessary pressures on them. We should also be careful in how we phrase our comments/praise to our children...do we tell them they performed well because they worked hard or do we tell them they did well because they are more gifted than the next child. Kids have no control over their inborn ability but they can control the amount of effort they put into their activities which may help them to deal with disappointments in a more resilient way.

My children may never be Nobel prize winners or world class athletes or play at Carnegie Hall but they will have spent their young years learning at the pace that suited their individual needs, be equipped with the tools they need to pursue whatever goals become their dreams, and will have parents behind them who will support them no matter what they determine to be their "success." 

Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2012

Teaching My Baby to Read is very excited to be participating in the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour 2012 from July 15-21st. This blog tour is organized by parents who met on The Well Trained Mind Message boards and who would like to help celebrate SENG’s National Parenting Gifted Children Week 2012.

This blog tour is not officially associated with The Well Trained Mind or SENG, but we are parents with experience and insights to share.  We come from different parts of the country, different school choices, and different social and economic backgrounds, but we all have one thing in common. We know that parenting a gifted child can sometimes be as challenging as it is rewarding.  If you have ever woken up at 3 AM in the morning wondering “What am I going to do with this child?” then this blog tour is for you!

From July 15-21 the Parenting the Gifted Blog Tour will discuss some of the most pertinent issues facing gifted education today:

On July 15th Childhood Inspired will write about “Loneliness as a Gifted Parent”. Our Roxaboxen Adventures will discuss “Identifying Gifted Minority Students”.

On July 16th Sceleratus Classical Academy will share “Don’t Panic! Musings about realizing that your child’s learning pattern is ahead of schedule.”

On July 17th Teaching My Baby to Read will feature “When School Isn’t Enough; Fanning the Flames of Learning Afterschool”.

On July 18th Homeschooling: or Who’s Ever Home will write about “A Broader Definition of Success for Gifted Children”.

On July 19th A Tree House Education will feature “2E Issues”. Homeschool in Florida will share “Get Out of Your Own Way: How to Listen to the Needs of Your Gifted Child”.

On July 20th Making Music With Kids will discuss “Finding a Good Fit for a Preschooler You Suspect is Gifted”. Barely Educational will offer “Worrying Too Much and Overanalyzing Parenting”

On July 21st Teaching My Baby to Read will feature guest posts. Dancing with Dragons will write about “Teaching the Visual Spatial Learner: When Your Child Thinks in Pictures”.

Teaching my Baby to Read still has room for more guest posts, so if you have something on your heart that you would like to share, please email Jenny via Teachingmybabytoread at gmail dot com.

Reading Skills

There has been an ongoing discussion on the Well Trained Mind Accelerated Learner board about early readers and those who are gifted vs. those who are early readers due to exposure but eventually level out with their peers as they get older. The seeming "competition" to have the earliest reader in some circles annoys me.

I am all for teaching a child to read when they are asking and showing the signs of being ready to read but while working in homes where the TV is on in the mornings, I often see commercials for the Doman method for teaching reading where they parade tiny babies and toddlers raving about their early reading skills. Having raised bright kids, I know personally that a bright child will learn whatever they are exposed to. I just don't think being exposed to flashcards of words at 8 months old when there is so much more to do with your baby is ideal.

Here are some of my other thoughts on the topic (from the discussion on the board...with some added thoughts)...

I think there is a huge difference between being able to read...as in being able to decode words and understanding what is read especially when kids hit the age where they need to understand more than the plot of a story. I read about the Glen Doman method when my kids were little before deciding against it. I figured my kids would learn to read when they were ready and our time could better be spent exploring the world and playing.


I am not so sure methods like Glen Doman can help with the comprehension of what is read making the children who learn to read through the method more like hyperlexic kids who read much higher than their average peers without the comprehension necessary to read at that level.

Early reading is not an absolute indicator of high IQ. A "gifted" child may be more likely to read early but an early reader does not necessarily have a high IQ. So, I think like the previous poster mentioned, those kids who learn to read using that method (unless of course they were gifted) will eventually level out with peers in reading...eventually everyone learns to read (decode) and reads fairly well.

I imagine there are can be psychological consequences to being seen as gifted and to having people make a big deal about a skill like early reading only to discover in later years that you are no longer above everyone else especially if that one ability (being able to read early and better than kids your age) was a big part of who you saw yourself as being or the way you got attention from others.

As to the psychological consequences of raising a "real" child prodigy...I'm sure that could be another discussion entirely.

The discussion morphed by some into how to develop comprehension skills...

For my early reading kids, some of the comprehension type skills like inferencing and predicting seemed to need life experience to develop more than being something we could specifically work on. I saw this most clearly with my dd, who when assessed by a reading specialist (I think she was 6 or maybe a young 7 at the time...don't remember) was decoding at a 12th grade level but comprehending at a 7th grade level. The questions she was missing the answers to were those that required her to have knowledge outside of the passage itself.


If a very young child is decoding at a high level, they tend to end up reading books meant for a more mature child so they don't understand the inuendo or the figures of speech, etc... until they've been exposed to them. I found often she didn't understand that characters would have an ulterior motive or might be being dishonest. She was just too innocent to even think along those lines.

Some of the things we did/do to work on comprehension are to read and discuss deeply books way below their decoding level...along the lines of Classics in the Classroom and Suppose the Wolf's an Octopus' higher levels of questioning.

We intermingle well written picture books with chapter books and novels because there are so many great books out there to read. I tend to think along the lines of "so many books, so little time," so we didn't rush to chapter books and forget about picture books as soon as the kids were able.

 I also had them work through a couple of the Reading Detective workbooks to learn to find the answers to questions with backup from the text. Learning how to take apart a story by discussing the parts of the story and outlining the action in a story seems to help.

But really those much deeper ways of thinking about a story still seem to need maturity and more exposure to life. Though I am saving many of those really great classics for when Haley is a bit older and will be able to fully enjoy them, we do pick some to work on now and then that I think she may enjoy reading more than once in her life. I still find myself appreciating a book differently when reading some books with her that I enjoyed in high school. It is really neat to think about how the change in perspective affects how you read a book.

How does a child do this?

My Haley loves music. Anyone who has read any part of this blog knows this. Just when I think I know the depth of her love for music, she has a day like today and I am in awe of her once more. Maybe I should just get used to this feeling when it comes to my baby.

Last night while getting/giving snuggles before bed, Haley was trying to tell Daddy he'd had his share and it was my turn. He said, "But she makes her practice violin and I let you play all day!!"

She replied, "But I love practicing violin and Mommy knows it."

Today as I finished my morning shower and turned off the water, I heard the wonderful sounds of my little one taking it upon herself to practice her violin. I listened to her playing through her review pieces from Books 1 and 2 then her scales. Afterward, she played with her toys for a short time then asked me to sit with her while she finished her practicing. She worked for another hour + on her Book 3 songs (two for her concert next week and her newest piece), played around with other violin favorites, then practiced her newer fiddle tunes. Once all the violin playing was finished, I taught her a new song on piano and she practiced that for awhile. Then I showed her how to play the first few measures of "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" by Bach even though her little hands are too small to reach the octave required. She did get the right hand and made her own left hand notes to go with it.

We spent the rest of the day at a birthday party then took Newt to wrestling practice. When we got home Haley played piano for the rest of us once she finished dinner then it was late so most of us sat to watch a bit of TV prior to bed. Not Haley, she donned her headphones (the best purchase I have made in the last month) and practiced piano for another 45 minutes by herself.

I find it amazing that a 6yo has that amount of motivation and desire to perfect something. She is an amazing child.

Another wonderful article...

http://www.homeeducator.com/FamilyTimes/articles08/85-4.html

I love this article since it focuses on those things the tests can't tell you about abilities and intelligence!

Article on giftedness...

This article came on a couple lists I frequent and I thought it was interesting though I didn't agree with it, per se....
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2026

I had a few problems with this article...I think there are some differences between prodigious abilities in sports and those in music or academics. Great adult athletes were not always the greatest child athletes. Their bodies may not have matured as quickly as others, they may not have had a drive as child athletes, and many child athletes burn out due to adult pressures and expectations (okay maybe there are some similarities there). Some music abilities such as identification of pitch need to be obtained with early training. An adult beginning music study may or may not ever develop perfect pitch.

I, personally, don't think that accomodating gifted students/kids is about creating prodigies or Nobel prize winners or the next Mozart. When my kids read at 3-4 yo, I didn't automatically think that I was going to create the next Nobel prize winner and when Haley began to show advanced musical ability, my goal was not to create the next Mozart. My main goal has always been to give my kids what they need and teach them where they are so that they can develop to be their best, love learning, and become happy, fulfilled adults.

I also think there is a much broader definition of success than those in this article would accept. They considered the people with over 150 IQ as not having obtained success because they didn't become Noble prizewinners or make huge contributions to some field of study. Many of them did get advanced degrees and go on to work in the field of their chosing. By the standards considered in the article, I am a failure. I "only" work part-time and chose to put my efforts into homeschooling and mothering my kids. I am happy with my life and am raising 3 great kids. To me, that is success.

I agree that a precocious child may not grow into a successful adult. There are so many other factors such as internal motivation, hard work, and a bit of luck that often factor in more than innate ability. I do think that those who absorb information faster and understand more complex concepts at a younger age need a faster pace in academics. I think the problem comes when adult expectations put pressure on those young minds. My kids may never be Nobel prize winners or world class athletes or play at Carnegie Hall but they will have spent their young years learning at the pace that suited their individual needs, be equipped with all the tools they need to pursue whatever goals become their dreams, and will have parents behind them who will support them no matter what they determine to be their "success."

The author of the article compares gifted issues to sports issues. I think his comparison is wrong. I know of no school district who cuts back on their football budget and team try-outs for fear that some kids will be disappointed and not make it to a pro career. Unfortunately, when it comes to giftedness in academics or music, many schools around the country are cutting budgets (or have no funding to cut) and neglecting gifted kids.

So, how do I think we protect our kids from pressure, disappointment, or burnout...

We allow each child to work with and expand whatever gifts they have whether they be academic, musical, athletic, leadership, etc... We teach them at the pace they work best no matter what they are learning. We, as parents, need to be careful not to mistake our goals for our child for their goals/needs putting unnecessary pressures on them and we should also be careful in how we phrase our comments to our children...do we tell them they performed well because they worked hard or do we tell them they did well because they are more gifted than the next child. Kids have no control over their inborn ability level but they can control the amount of effort they put into their activities which may help them to deal with disappointments in a more resilient way.

Giftedness...explained and reconsidered

I just spoke with Dr. Deborah Ruf. It was a great experience. She is so easy to talk to and so much of what she said made perfect sense in ways I had not thought to consider before. Not only does she look at IQ and achievement but also personality types (yours, your husbands, and child's) and thoroughly explains how all those variables interact. She explained my husband and I perfectly just be knowing our personalities. Also, she explained the parts of Haley's personality that were strong vs. those that were more borderline and it explained her perfectly, too. I now have so much more reading to do so that I can understand my boys as well.

The gist of what she said was that she agreed with me that Haley's original IQ test was way too low based on her developmental milestones, all the information I gave her about what Haley is doing now plus looking at the achievement portion of the assessment she had with the original IQ test. She said she errs on the low side (so no one is ever dissappointed) but would say Haley is a 2-3 in the Levels of Giftedness. After my reading I would've guessed a 3 so we were pretty much in sinc with that. She said a very motivated child can be at a much higher level than their IQ indicates but she still felt Haley's original IQ score was not a good indicator of her actual potential.

Haley's personality is an IFSJ (introverted, feeler, sensor, judging) so she is going to be a people pleaser who is very excellent with facts/details/memorization but not so great at looking at the big picture (though that was not as strong with her as her sensing areas). She was borderline between introverted and extroverted as well. Haley will need to feel appreciated for who she is rather than what she does (otherwise will have more difficulty with perfectionism). She would be the type of kid who would be a teacher's pet in school but learn to underperform or not perform to her potential to fit in and have difficulty finding a true peer (soul mate) in a school that is age-grouped rather than ability grouped.

She suggested giving Haley a chance with her singing or letting her try acting to meet her needs for performance. She said it would also give me a way to help her find mentors and others to help educate her.

Some books she recommended highly which you may find helpful are "Motherstyles: Using Personality Type" by James Webb and "What Could He Be Thinking" by Michael Gurian.

I have a lot to process and a lot of reading to do. I need to learn to let go of being perfect as a homeschooling mommy. My need to be orderly or to not miss anything is not really necessary in that learning is a lifelong process. She said a child like Haley could easily finish grade school 4 years ahead of schedule (which I already see since she is not in 1st grade yet but finishing up 3rd grade math and reading at an even higher level). She will get anything she has missed from me on her own. Dr. Ruf also said it is not important that she be great at everything. It is okay to be just proficient at things that don't interest her. She said unit studies would be a good way to teach Haley to look at the "big picture" and bring out that side of her.

If I really want the kids to be self actualized learners and fulfilled adults then they have to be able to find and follow their passions and learn to deal with success and failure. I already know that but it is difficult for someone with my personality type.

Dr. Ruf suggested in the future having her test Haley to get a more accurate IQ number. My first question was "Is that really necessary?" She said it would be helpful to know the score to aid with knowing which college would be better placement (she said all colleges have a different average IQ score), seek jobs that would be more fulfilling, and keep expectations more in line with her abilities. I really don't have any plans to do this any time soon (read next 2-3 years) since I feel like I now have a pretty good idea but I may consider it later. (The cost and travel are prohibitive at this point. Though I wish I could have had Dr. Ruf assess her in the first place since I probably spent too much on the first assessment that didn't really answer any of my questions.)